12th May 2003
All this couldn't have happened at a more inopportune time. Bang in the middle of a computer upgrade and reinstall of Windows with all its associated time wasting irritations, I'm utterly unable to tear myself away from the PCA forums. I'm not with it at all, thanks to a combination of serious lack of sleep and the inability to concentrate on the rest of my life. Indeed, right now I don't have a rest of my life. Yesterday was a prime example. Rushing off late for a golf competition, I got to the first green to discover to my horror that I didn't have a putter in my bag! So I had to putt the first two greens with my 3 iron, whilst Christine and I hastily checked the rules to see whether I was permitted to share hers for the rest of the round. Fortunately, this was Whickham Invitation Day - if I make that mistake next Saturday at Matfen Mixed Open, Robin will NOT see the funny side of it.
I've been a subscriber to PC Answers for some time now. The magazine is an excellent all round guide to extending your knowledge of every aspect of computing and the forums are continually recommended as a good place to seek help. I registered just over a month ago, but never got round to posting until I had a problem with two entries I couldn't get rid of in Control Panel, "Command on Demand for Command Software" and "Browser r.enhancer". The story of browser r.enhancer is well documented on the site, so I don't propose to go over it again, but I was truly amazed that apparently by simply expressing my honest opinion I managed to generate such a massive reaction, and a topic which to date has had 815 views and 52 replies.
But then, I came to the forums with one huge disadvantage - I use AOL. These people hate AOL, and have the default value "stupid" for any AOL user. I could tell that my continued refusal to ditch them as an ISP was a source of much frustration.
Another subject which caused a clash was my unashamed use of cracked software, in particular Kazaalite. Again, I don't propose to elaborate here, but it was interesting to see Graham Wylie's wedding splashed all over our local papers last week! He took over Slaley Hall for FIVE WEEKS and the wedding cost several million - I don't remember the exact figure quoted. Still, when you're worth £100 million, £2 or £3 million's not a lot, is it?
As it happens, Sage is a program I have actually bought, but as I look at my current credit card statement and wonder why Barclaycard seem to think I'm a magician, I swear I will never feel guilty about using cracked software!
After my initial problem was resolved, I felt relief that all the fuss seemed to have died down. In fact, it was only the beginning. I continued to visit the forums, reading and posting on other topics and paid regular visits to Loop's chatroom. Unfortunately, I inadvertently must have set the wrong kind of example to Michael, a neighbour of ours, who soon got involved in dramas of his own, all of which ended up involving me in some way or other. I have had Michael described to me as the most evil person ever encountered, which really only rams home the inadequacy of email as a form of communication. Whilst I sadly agree that Michael also seems hell bent on a course of self destruction on the forums, unlike other members, I actually know the lad, and he's just a perfectly normal teenager. But on PCA forums, all people can see are his words, which have obviously painted a completely different picture.
I can understand why this happens to some extent. I've spent many hours in Loop's chatroom, and at times have felt it to be filled with the most evil, nasty, bullying people to be found anywhere on the net ("stfu, you can't debate AOL here, this is a computer forum"). Yet in real life, I'm sure they're not like that at all. I'm sure they're all perfectly decent, friendly, likeable, normal people.
When I returned home from yesterday's golf, I read with dismay John's many emails quoting the various posts which had appeared after he got involved in his own battle on the forums. I had been trying to gently explain that his Bravenet sitering contained spyware and defend my decision to remove it from this site. It's a great pity John saw fit to get involved, as I once again find myself in the middle of a storm, when my intentions were only ever to try and keep everybody happy.
(The subject of spyware had previously been a thorny debate, as I couldn't quite reconcile what I saw as spyware, ie the tracking system, on Loop's chatroom and the forums themselves, with the obvious dislike of true spyware by all the forum experts.)
Now I find myself temporarily "suspended" from PCA forums, my behaviour not "within the bounds of our Acceptable Use Policy" and I wonder if this can really be happening, or will I wake up in a moment! There is a real danger of becoming very introspective here, too inwardly focused on something which at the end of the day, is not all that important. But unpleasant though this is at times, it's very addictive and I alternate between feeling deeply hurt and utterly gripped by it all! One thing I do know, I've got to get back into the real world. The house is a tip, the kids are neglected, my husband's cheesed off big time, and I desperately need a decent night's sleep!
Monday 12th May 2003
Sadly, this argument continues to rage. Rather than have it deface the index page, I have moved the edits for Friday and Saturday 23rd and 24th May.
(Saturday 24th May)When people decide they want a scapegoat for something, as more than a few politicians and football managers could testify, you might as well throw in the towel! I'm quite certain that if Simon was asked to clarify exactly what it was about the Acceptable User Policy I'd not complied with, he would be hard pushed to explain. Indeed, he would be doing well to even find the AUP, which doesn't appear to be anywhere obvious on the site. I have to say my opinion of PC Answers and Future Publishing has plummeted over the last couple of days. Simon may be a good magazine editor, but he is a terrible forum administrator! As I intend to say in a complaint to Colin Morrison, I think it's disgraceful that I only hear my account has been closed because Simon posts the information, and hasn't even the courtesy to inform me privately first. Worse, that UNNECESSARY topic is being allowed to ramble on to give every member the opportunity to add their own personal abuse, and not only am I unable to defend myself, but have to watch while these defamatory statements attract massive views and are linked to personal websites all over the internet! Have you never heard of libel, Simon???
It's about time PCA forums took an altogether more professional approach to moderating the message boards. With a system in place that allows blatant favouritism, the arbitrary discernment of what is a "necessary" post and which "unnecessary" posts to clamp down on, they're inviting problems. At the end of the day, they're relying on the cooperation of "banned" members not to continue to post - or are they too naive to realise the very nature of a forum means there has to be open access, and it's not rocket science to ask a friend who's been kicked off every mailing list he's ever joined, to register from Germany and send me the p/w details? That with multiple locations to access the net, a so-called "IP Ban" is laughable? As it happens, I'm not really interested in doing any of this, other than to prove a point. Although it's sad to lose such a useful resource for PC help, the internet is full of computer help and there are many other fish in the sea when it comes to forums.
Now I must go and get organised for a school reunion tonight .... it'll be strange meeting up with people I last saw when we were all 16. Just the remedy I need - an excuse to go out and get DRUNK!
(Friday 23rd May)Much as I hate John's intrusive behaviour and the way he stalks my private life, I had to laugh at this! Have a look at John's site and navigate to his blog, then click on the PC Answers link .... that'll teach Simon to allow a thread to run which publicly humiliates me, but is nevertheless one I can't respond to! Serious computer forum? 5 pages of superfluous posts discussing all the unnecessary posting going on at the moment! Simon, it serves you right - and makes Future look right prats!
It's about the only time I've seen the funny side of this. I had half a mind to add a postscript to What Went Wrong?, perhaps What Went Even More Wrong? but I don't think I trust myself to write anything just now. Having glanced at my mailing list, I see Richard and Janie are still clocking up emails at a rate of about 70 a day each. Perhaps I can persuade them to register with the forum and show people what a really unnecessary post is!
Sunday 25th May 2003
(Thursday 29th May)I discovered I too could delete unwanted posts - in the guestbook. I've only taken out anything with offensive language, plus my name and address (!) as it goes against my principles to restrict someone's right to express an opinion. Generally speaking, I'd rather be exchanging abuse than have no communication at all. I get the feeling I'm pushing my luck with PCA forums .... as Nick said, my trouble is I don't know when to stop, and though persistence can be a positive characteristic, on this occasion it has resulted in behaviour more suited to a 10 year old! It's no good kidding myself I can browse off topic and general discussion and resist the temptation to comment. Even now, I'm itching to point out that the request for people to PM stevebeer if they want his new email address is utterly pointless, when all they have to do is click an email button at the bottom of his post .... but I won't!
Although I'm finding it hard to live with the knowledge that this is a terrible lasting impression to have left, it reinforces the point I made about police checking choir members. If the only thing you know about someone is a mistake they once made, that is the impression you will form of them as a person. On a forum, all you can see are people's words, and your subconcious mind is constantly filling in the gaps, making assumptions about that person's characteristics, when really there is too little physical context for this to be meaningful. Forums (and email) are best suited to deadpan straight talk about the relevant subject being discussed. It's fatal to use them as a place to relax after a couple of drinks!
The other lesson I've learned is that sometimes, the best course of action is to walk away from a situation which has snowballed out of control, because attempts to repair it simply make things worse. At the end of the day, a successful forum relies on everyone's cooperation and it cannot be protected by "restricted access". I can't do anything about what's happened, but I can at least avoid making a bad situation any worse. I have no real quarrel with Simon or Caroline and admit that all along, they have been nothing but fair.
I'm reminded of a situation a while ago, which had many similarities to this, and the words Ashley wrote, which I still think are very true:
"Time can be a great enemy - it steals our youth, our memory and some moments we wish would never end. However, time can be a great friend too - it allows us to gain perspective, it gives us space to think and it takes us a safe distance away from moments we might wish to forget."
Friday 30th May 2003